无尽的无奈

当甜蜜变淡了，话变少了，
期待已经不在的期待，那希望还能说是希望吗？

Nothing Beats Strolling In The Night

I was feeling a bit down and I decided to talk a stroll around my neighborhood area...

It was midnight... And it somehow feels great... While walking, with the wind blowing on your face, it feels like the wind is telling you to let go of everything and enjoy the walk and the wind...

Everything seems so wonderful to the extent I've forgotten bout my phone... The vibrations from the phone shatter the whole atmosphere. It brings me back to reality... To problems, to sadness, and to a lot of unhappiness... I decided to went home after recieving the message...

Reality kills the dreamer like Video killing the radio-star...
For me, I think of myself as a dreamer... Reality is my ultimate nemesis... Imagination is my closest friend... Facts are my enemies...
I am ordinary but i hate it... I wanna be extraordinary, be special, be Someone... But Reality is tying me down... 'It' tie my wings with metal chains, hold on to my legs and open up my eyes to 'Sufferings'... Forcing me to see facts... Cruel facts... And leaving me alone...

Well... At least, next time, when all these feelings come together overwhelming me, I know that 'Midnight Stroll' is a way to counter them... Or, at least, there's something during the stroll that's not even close to reality, which is WIND... You can't see it but you feel it... You don't see it but it's there...

At least, I can rely on that factor to bring me off this reality and life my feet up as high as I want them to be...

A reminder to myself

I know that I can't control my temper as well as others, but I'm really trying very hard to control it. Because i've seen the kinda sadness and disappointment that I've brought to the closest ones around me...

Every morning, I wake up telling myself that I must not flare up at anyone today, but when things happen, I seems to lose it all up to my temper... I am struggling too... I felt terrible too... Especially when the one that I've hurt the most is the one that took are of me, devoted all her life taking care and bringing me up, my grandmother,,,

Some things changes, her memories are losing... I knew that but I don't even know why I just cannot treat her good... I wanted to, and i really wanted to, I didn't meant to hurt her... I just couldn't help it when she forget things in such speed like few seconds... I know I've to understand...

Here, I just wanna stop saying sorry and to let everyone know that I'm really trying... And forgive me for the mistakes i made and understand me if ever, things repeat itself again... And also help to remind me that what I did was wrong... I'll also keep on reminding myself...

Time is running out for her... I just wanna be with her and give her the most beautiful memories...

Not sure about tomorrow..!

I'm afraid that i will die... Not exactly die as in physically but mentally...

Have you ever thought of what will actually happen if you have a tumor in your head, and after the major operation, you will never remember who you really are... And will never...

It's like somebody took over your identity totally and you have been mistaken as you but it's not really you that others are actually looking at... Some people never remember who they were after major neuro-related surgery... And they live life in a totally opposite of their original life... Whatever they used to love, they hate it now... Sense of fashion change, love for food changed, even the lifestyle changes...

So where do the YOU before really go...?

Scary right..? It's like you are fine but you are not because you are not you anymore... Forget it... I'm not gonna think about it anymore... Just gonna f*** care and live life...
My life isn't that beautiful also, no job, no education, no certificate, no passion for anything, no dream, no aim... So you would imagine why i could came up with crazy thoughts like the one I've just mentioned... LoL...

For those that were reading, treasure your life, treasure those that are around you, and will always be, and enjoy your life to the fullest, don't dwell on yesterdays but look forward for tomorrow and lift up your feet as they are beautiful, because they brought yr body to places and people that forces your eyes to capture the images and allow your brains to categorize it as 'memories'... All these will stay with you forever... The bad memory are called 'lessons' while the good are called 'precious'...